Friday, October 16, 2009

time travel is possible

today i will not be screaming fuck you, google.

no friends, today, google has supplied me with a good hearty chuckle served up with a side of humility.

i went back to look at my very first emails in my gmail account from january 2005. if i remembered the password or wasn't so lazy, i'd try to login to my hotmail account from college. i'm sure there's more than a few gems there.

but back to google. my pal google here has reminded me of some funny stuff, that i, as an elephant, have surprisingly forgotten. the very first email convo was enough to make crack the fuck up, but i think i need to set the stage a little bit for you.

b and i had been dating about a year and had recently moved out of our home town to where we reside now. i had taken a part time office job while looking for something more permanent. i've never, ever had a desk job before this or after this.

i was an assistant for a concrete company, basically doing logistics and admin shit. needless to say, i was bored out of my mind. i played on the internet all day long, pretending to be ordering supplies from staples. also, i sent many emails to just about anyone i knew about the minutiae of my day.

so there it is, the first thing i read this morning was a string of emails about a black ops garbage conspiracy and a shit-talker. and i don't mean shit-talker like someone who badmouths someone else, but literally, a man who talked on his cell phone while he took a shit. and by talked on his cell phone i mean made sales calls to clients.

reading words of mine from so long ago almost felt as if i was a new observer in the whole situation, sort of like when you hear your own voice recorded and played back for you.

my tone was goofy, a bit condescending, and definitely full of curses. i even ended the final email with 'TMB forever'. (for 'that's my balls' reference please go here).

is that really how i talk/write? it was funny, but also, a bit shocking to see evidence of a style that appears to be unchanged over the course of many years. i used to want to be a career writer. i used to want to write for fabulous foodie magazines and talk about the intricacies of different dishes. i imagined i could have flexibility and employ a safe amount of creativity in my career.

then i took a close look at food writers and realized how awful they are. not only does most food writing read like sandpaper in your mouth, but it manages to destroy everything about food that i love so much with nitpicking. not to mention that my 'style' is apparently not mature or dry enough to be very successful.

so now i blog. i write here on this little slice of internet in hopes of learning more and more about my writing style and to see if there is such a thing as a career in writing, for me at least. maybe, years from now i'll look back on these posts and reflect about how they have or haven't helped to shape my voice.

do you go back in time to read your old words? do you like what you find? i'm curious to know if you experience more fluctuations in subject matter and tone of voice or if your style is inherent and will show in your writing no matter what the topic.


otherworldlyone said...

When I've read my old stuff, as in from years ago, I'm actually quite horrified at how terrible I was. But it's also nice because I can see an enormous difference in the way I write, my tone, etc...and it's always good to grow and learn, right?

Now, why didn't you share the effing email?!

Stacie's Madness said...

YES, going back just on my blog from when I started...I am the same, and (I assume) talk the same way IRL.

I did have a friend read my blog and say, excitedly, "You're really funny..." I finished the sentence with "...on my blog"

we had a good laugh and she explained that THAT wasn't what she meant....but yeah.


'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Because I'm a freak about clutter, I delete old have them just sittin' there makes me feel...anxious. Kinda like when I watch those hoarder shows or those truck commercials where the truck ALMOST goes over the edge, but stop just in time....,

I recently went back and read some of my older blog posts and cracked myself up though...

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

'my tone was goofy, a bit condescending, and definitely full of curses' - and it has changed how?

Organic Meatbag said...

I used to write a lot of songs in my late teens and early 20's, and when I read them now, I just cringe...absolutely fucking cringe how sappy some of them were...hahahaha

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

When you get nearly 600 posts into your blogging career, you should go back and read the first ones.

Sometimes, you'll be like "Oh, wow, look how far my blog has come" and then, if you're like someone we both know, you're like "I like how I write now better than how I wrote back then."

Lola Lakely said...

I go back and forth. Sometimes I read something that I have written from years ago and think wow, I really suck now. Where did all of my creativity go? And then sometimes I go back and read something that was particularly atrocious and think smugly, wow I am such a better writer at this juncture of my life. And I typed thighs instead of life at first and therefore burst into giggles. So I realized that my maturity level hasn't changed since I was 13. Nice post!

Lana said...

owo- i think at least being able to see a progression has to be rewarding in some way. and i'd love to share the emails but, in a sick twist of irony, the shitter's wife is actually my husband's secretary. i want to make that saying 'don't shit where you eat' apply here somehow, i think you get the idea :)

stacie- i've heard that line too. i'll take funny no matter what the medium.

cuz- yeah, i do that too! then i wonder if i'm the only one that thinks that stuff is funny...

cal- it hasn't! that's my point, i would have thought that in nearly five years i might have evolved a little bit. i still haven't decided if that's a good thing or not.

meaty- oh man, i would love to hear them! i bet they're better than you think.

mjenks- i can only hope. i feel stagnant. stale. i need to freshen up something around here.

lola- yay for immaturity! everyone needs a little balance :) i'm going to go dig through your old posts now, i hope you don't feel violated....

Harna said...

Oh shit...if I were to go back through old e-mails, I'd find a hell of a lot of disgusting ones back and forth to old boyfriends full of inside sappy jokes that we thought were so funny then yet I have no idea what they mean anymore. I was fucking ANNOYING when I was in love. I'm way better as a single lady although I'd like to think that I'd be better in love today than I was then since I've become far more of an asshole...only time will tell.

miss. chief said...

Oh, yeah! I have been reading my old journals from years ago and typing out the best lines from it. I still think I'm hilarious.

Lora said...

I do go back from time to time, and I'm always surprised that I actually do have a "style" and it actually is getting "better". (Says me)

Sometimes I find myself reading something that I wrote but didn't remember ever writing and thinking "wow! this is great" and then being all embarassed when I realize I did it.

It's weird (for me) to be proud of yourself.

mylittlebecky said...

it is startling when i go back and read things sometimes i say oh wow i was funny even then and sometimes i say oh my! i need to burn this asap!