Friday, September 4, 2009

don't make me stick a strawberry up your nose

to anyone who is planning, thinking of planning, or might ever in the next twenty years plan a catered event, if you make me plate up this strawberry monstrosity i will guarantee that you will never want to see another strawberry for the rest of your life.

please excuse the drawing, i wasn't exactly in the mood to take photographs the last time this asshole dessert and i were together. it might look all sweet and refined on the outside, but really, it's just that mean bitch you knew growing up who thrived on taunting you ceaselessly.

maybe a dessert can't call you dumb, but it sure as hell can make you look dumb when you have exactly twelve minutes to assemble a few hundred plates and ole strawberry shit decides to have ten million components.

enough with all the specific timing bullshit too, you dumbass dessert. the mousse has to temper but not too long or the ice cream will melt, the panna cotta has to be chilled so that the soup can be poured over it warm, mint oil last so it doesn't bleed into the sauce....AAAHHH!!

ok. i feel better now. sometimes i just need to let it all out.

even though this pain in the ass is on the menu for my shift at work tonight, i'm also working with hook-up chef. actually, i think he's officially slutty chef now that he's moved on to hitting on barely legal waitresses in front of the whole kitchen. regardless, he's sure to provide some form of disturbing yet engrossing display of inappropriate behavior to make me forget all about strawberry shit, for a little while anyway.

on that note, i hope everyone has a fantastic holiday weekend! i know i will, labor day means octoberfest is right around the corner!

ps. i'm still working on my blogtastic giveaway, but i haven't forgotten. i'll have info and pics soon!


otherworldlyone said...

So, any of that strawberry stuff left??

Organic Meatbag said...

I would take you for all the strawberries I could get...smuggle them in my pants, I would!

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Will you come over and make me some of that stuff??? Sounds pretty freakin' awesome!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

Strawberry shit... sounds!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Yeh, I would like to be sypathetic to your gripes but we are talking about strawberries and chocolate here. Make up a mess of strawberry and beet surprise and I am with ya all the way. What do you expect? I am weak. Is that chocolate on your fingers????

Lana said...

owo- i would be more than happy to let you in the pastry fridge at work so you can eat all the strawberry shit so i don't have to plate it up!

meaty- i'll give you the same deal as owo, but i might ask for a song or at least a cheer about breaking into a loaded room of dessert goodies.

cuz- yes, i'll bring it to the drive invasion! i bet it'll make up for me being totally clueless about cars and bikes :)

bs & bc- i swear this dessert has a vendetta against me, and that's a whole lot nicer than some of the names i had for it in my head :)

cal- you might be the next victim of strawberry shit's mindgames. i too thought like you once...

mo.stoneskin said...

"ole strawberry shit decides to have ten million components."

I refuse to make anything that has more than one component. Unless it is butter on toast.