Friday, June 5, 2009

friday fiver

here's a fiver for you. things i can say to my awesome kid:

1. yes honey, mommy can eat brownies for breakfast because i was so good at not cleaning
(i also just told miss yvonne this one over at her awesome super special place yo mama's blog, the best place on the internet for wolverine claw action.)

2. no, monster's butthole is not where our fingers go

3. stop looking so cute when the asshole neighbor walks by, the last thing mommy wants to do is be fake nice any more than she has to

4. yay for blasting some muse instead of napping! (loudloudloud!!)

5. when i get old i'm so going to shit my pants and smile at you and clap while you wipe my ass



Jerrod said...

fingers go there if you get it on video.

LiLu said...

"5. when i get old i'm so going to shit my pants and smile at you and clap while you wipe my ass"

I think every mother thinks this.

It's also kind of the reason I think I should probably have kids someday...

Miss Yvonne said...

Hey thanks for the mad pimpin'!

I tell my kid when he makes fun of me for being uncool that he needs to be careful because someday he'll be paying my way through a luxury assisted living home.

Brian said...

I think our diet is pretty much the apex of health: brownies, fried cheese, bagel bites, french fries, beer and gummi bears...seems reasonable to me.

Skitch said...

Um...exactly how old does one have to be for #5?

Just research you know...nothing of a personal nature.


Mainly because I never clap...

Lana said...

jerrod- no they don't :(

lilu- yes, i think it's a maternal right of passage. you're a kitty mommy so you're on your way to real babies in no time!!

miss yvonne- you're welcome, my fee is 10% (of what i really don't know). and yay for luxury homes!! only the best for us.

b- we're onto something here, how can we make bags of money convincing everyone else that it's so smart to eat crap all the time??

skitch- if you don't clap now, you're never going to be a clapper. but the age range i had in mind was older than 'silver years' and just shy of dementia.