Monday, May 4, 2009

a post in which i will not use the word 'green' to mean environmentally conscious

i may not be the most active environmentalist out there, or active at all, but i do care about rational and real ways that people can bring about change. although sometimes i can't help myself from seeing the stupid in someone's attempt at being smart.

my most recent pet peeve is this:

this vehicle, known as the 'smart for two' car, has already begun infiltrating our streets. this little fella here, while he tries to look all cute and small, is actually going to bring about the demise of our roadways as we know them today.

i do agree that fuel efficient models and less wasteful factories are a good thing for our society, but this car can guarantee only one thing: getting hit hard = certain death. just look at what happened to this one when a stray butterfly accidentally flew into the driver's side door:

this rolling harbinger of death is a clear example of when you can really say 'what the fuck are reinforced steel beams going to do for me here?' don't even get me started on the assclowns who need to ask about putting a car seat in this piece. and to make matters worse, it's still kind of expensive. the base model starts at over $11,000. a car with wheels smaller than my baby's radio flyer shouldn't cost more than 2-3k, in my opinion.

how about i take my $11,000, buy a pre-owned vehicle of a slightly more solid build, and keep one less manufacturing plant from opening up. at least my 4-runner will protect tax payers from all the civil suits associated with the smartshitcar. i can see it now, the endless pile-ups blocking traffic, increasing road rage, and then riots and fires will take over. all those trees they say they're going to plant for the purchase of a new vehicle will be burned to cinders and we'll be left with nothing but tanks and ashes and devastation.

so if you want to help destroy our planet, feel free to roll in one of these bad boys. i promise i won't make faces at you and get distracted by your retardedness while driving.

note: if you try to tell me good things about this car i will stick my fingers in my ears singing 'lalalalala-i can't hear you!'


LiLu said...

See, it's times like this I'm glad I don't have a car. You have enough reasons to make fun of me :-)

SO great to meet you this weekend, babe!

Deutlich said...

Uhm. I freaking hate those things except to stare at. And maybe gawk.

Dr Zibbs said...

hahahahaha. A stray butterfly!

Vic said...

I am SO relieved. I saw the picture when the post came up and was afraid that was your new car!

I hate those things. They look like a toddler shoe on wheels.

Point for the butterfly.

Brian said...

The fucked up thing about those cars is that there is only one demographic of person that can drive them: bearded, feebly white men between the ages of 57 & 58...right?

Lana said...

lilu- i would never make fun of you! i need way more ammo before i go there :)

deutlich- next time you see one you should kick it too

zibbs- don't fuck with a butterfly, they can be quite dangerous

vic- if i ever buy one of those shitcars i give you permission to hunt me down, kill me, and steal my credit card to pay for your return trip airfare

b- they must be easily swayed. don't worry, i'll make all your decisions for you when you get to that age :)

Kristine said...

Yes, these things are lame-o. I mean, they DO make sense if you live in the freaking city and drive like 30mph all the time. But I see them here on 84, and I'm like, really? You couldn't think of a cooler way to die?

Miss Yvonne said...

I swear those things are just golf carts with doors put on. Would you drive a golf cart on the freeway? I don't think so.

Skitch said...

The nice thing is that it's Darwinian in nature...thins out the idiots in the world.

So in that way, I think the vehicle is practical!;)

Lana said...

k- how do they not spontaneously explode on 84? find the answer and we'll be rich

miss yvonne- golf carts need to teach that mess how to have a little personality

skitch- i love the way you think!! now if you send me one, i'll know something's amiss...