Tuesday, April 14, 2009

yo mama did what?!

throughout my interesting and fun-filled day of blog surfing i've seen this image popping up repeatedly. even more surprising was seeing my name mentioned at the end of miss yvonne's post about her tag.

i will now confess my lameness and share that i googled the word 'meme' to see what all the fuss was about. i stopped reading the definition somewhere after i saw the word 'memeticists'.

but now that i realize that it's just a way to talk about myself, i'm totally into it. i thought for a second about trying to pull off that whole 'this is so wack but i guess i'll do it anyway, to be a sport' thing but really, that's not me.

so thanks miss yvonne, for making me feel liked for a hot minute. i don't even care if i incur a horrific backlash when i reveal some of my innermost truths.

1. a few years ago, a very dear friend and i tried to get a new catch phrase started. whenever we really liked something we would say 'that's so my balls!' because it was fun to say balls. then we figured out that we never had balls and were never going to be able to grow balls, so it began to feel more like a cruel joke on us.

2. i would love to be a vegetarian, except that i still get confused about all the different kinds of vegetarians/vegans/whatever there are and i'm afraid of aligning myself with the 'less cool' group of restrictive eaters.

3. i'm obsessed with my tiny head. it's my favorite physical feature.

4. i spent bags and bags of money to go to a fancy culinary school and now the only cooking i do is for my six month old baby. oh wait, yeah, i work about once every fortnight at a catering company too.

5. the picture of the kiddies on my header is actually an original oil painting of me and my brother, done by my nana, that is currently hanging in my living room. it's always been an enigma to me because it's dated 1979, which was the year i was born. my brother wasn't born until 1981. the scary part is that that is EXACTLY how we looked as children, round about five and seven years old. i've tried to get nana to clarify the date question but to no avail.

6. b and i talk about our dog's ass way too much. we're convinced that he can make us millions of dollars because he has the most fascinating pattern of butt swirls that look just like an owl's face (butt swirls being the technical term for the hairs around his little pooter), and no the actual hole is not in the owl's face, the swirls fall beneath that. i tried to take a picture to illustrate this point, but i was so grossed out and crampy from hysterically laughing that there was no way i was going to succeed.

7. i can't lie. my physical reaction to telling a lie has not evolved since i was about four years old. sweat palms, big cheese grin, nervous laughter, shakes, all occurring at the same time.

8. i love really loud concerts. i love really loud concerts in really small and really smelly dirthole bars. the louder the better. no one wants to hear me singing along.

9. weird money is the most obscene thing anyone could make me touch. i define weird money as any coin of monetary value that is one other than the standard penny, nickel, dime, or quarter. i don't understand why they circulate, can we please just smelt them all away to weird money hell already?

10. i'm actually a really happy person. (cue barf sounds) sorry, but it's true.

and i guess that's as good as anything to end with right? right. so whom do i tag? seeing as i'm a relatively new blogger, i think i'll keep this one in the family, because if anyone's going to get annoyed with me sending this i can handle burn ups from them. so there's my dear friend kristine, my husband brian, b's sister bridget, and preacherman (even though you're technically not family, i love hearing stories about things you do when drunk, i mean, things you do everyday :) ).

note: for those of you (b) who haven't heard of this fun little game of tag i'll explain--
the objective here is when you are tagged to post ten things about yourself that we don't already know and then tag ten (or four) other people to do the same.


Kristine said...

Can I tell you that calling me your "dear friend" makes you sound 90 and me 92 without you being offended?

It's about damn time you gave me some linking, woman.

Brian said...

So you've explained this 'tag' thing to me like 4 trillion times already and I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to do, if anything. It's too complicated for me.

Sorry if I'm not 'cool enough,' or that I 'make children cry,' and that I 'live in a van down by the river.'

Lana said...

kristine- so not offended, i just thought it was better than bff. i mean, being pals since 7th grade deserves some kind of special designation :)

b- whatever, you don't even have to pay attention to it. i just like to mention your name because that makes me funnier by association.

Miss Yvonne said...

Your tiny head is making me jealous. My head is gigantic and hats just pop off the top of it every time I try to wear them.

Dude! Your nana is a total pre-cog!!

Bridget said...

I'm totally going to do this, I just have to become more interesting first. haha.

p.s. your number 5 is awesome!