Wednesday, April 8, 2009

it's not me, it's what you do to me

today i'm going to share what i would say to a 'friend' if i could say anything to her and have her actually listen instead of waiting politely (or not) for me to stop talking just so she could resume talking about herself.

and i say 'friend' because she's one of those relationships that you're almost forced into, to be nice. like say, your sister's neighbor, who always happens to be around enough to know random details about your life and therefore feels it's appropriate to require you to do friend-like things with her.

so i'm going to call this 'friend' marvin, for annonymity's sake.

yes, that marvin, because i'm pretty sure this chick is from mars.

since i imagine myself talking to her in person, and so having to deal with her wacky interruptions, i will be inserting those into this conversation, which in no way is meant to be a dialogue.

"marvin, we've known each other for a few years now, and we've both had some amazing changes happen in our lives, (i know! yeah it's so great that you can come over with the baby just in time for me to break out the new enormous bbq grill we just paid a million dollars for!!)...which would normally connect two people and help to build a stronger foundation for a friendship. however, this is not the case with us.

as we find ourselves in situations that pose similar questions to us, we are increasingly following diverging paths. what i mean by that is that the life choices you make for your family are the exact opposite of the choices i make. the values you esteem, i find meaningless. the traditions you neglect, i treasure and wouldn't give up no matter what opposition i faced. (so i really want to open an etsy shop, should i call it 'made by marvin' or 'shop here sista!'??)

i've always said, and still firmly believe, that each person/family has the innate right to do as they please without interferrence from others. marvin, with you, i find myself wanting to grab you by your ears and shake you into reason. it's increasingly harder for me to partake in your irreverent ways, all the while keeping my mouth shut about how you're totally fucking your life up.

i can't keep up with the charade. (do you like my new drapes? i wasn't so sure about the color, but now i think it's totally the right shade of mocha.)"

this relationship has never been on the level where i would genuinely feel that any helpful advice would be worth the air required to suck in and brace myself for the worthless discussion, nor would it ever be solicited from marvin. and that's the reason why this is all hypothetical. because the message would never get through. i just have to let this one die off into that land of 'oh yeah, whatever happened to her?' we're all going to be better off in the end.


Bridget said...

I have a "marvin" in my life too.

Brian said...

Here's my version of that post:

'I really don't like you, please die, the end.'