Sunday, March 29, 2009

a message to the woman enjoying her cig on 34th street

tights are not the same as pants.

now, i may not be all up in the fashion industry, or even into new current trends, but i'm pretty sure that no one, anywhere, can pull off pretending that a pair of opaque tights are a sufficient replacement for wearing actual pants.

dear woman standing outside of macy's, even if you had that slamming body that i imagine i used to have 10 years ago (which, i hate to break it to you, you don't), i would still be obligated to tell you that it's just not polite to show all of your crevices to the general public. your over sized, off-the-shoulder tunic was not nearly long enough to conceal your bits, in the front or back.

i can be fairly certain that this ensemble was put together deliberately attempting to achieve that skinny-jean look without actually having to find a pair of skinny jeans to button around your enormous middle. while slightly more uncomfortable, the jeans would have at least hidden your cracks from my field of vision and i would have been able to better enjoy my day, nay, my life, without their image burned forever on my retinas.

so please, please, for all of us who have eyes, wear a skirt or dress over those tights, or just retire them altogether. they've had a hard life so far, it's time to cut them some slack.


Brian said...

That was could see ass cheek.

Amy Kate said...

EWWW! You have to lay some blame with the magazines that encourage people to look for things they already have that can fit with the current trends. Blech. I hope you bleached your eyeballs to get rid of the vision.

Lana said...

i'm sorry, i wish bleach would do the trick. unfortunately for me i'm stuck with the image, which is why i thought it only fair to pass it along to everyone in blog-land. enjoy!

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahaha. Very funny.

I predict you're going to have a lot of visitors soon and this is going to be a very popular blog!