Monday, January 4, 2010

b's my favorite action hero

i love me some christian bale.

i pretty much will watch any movie he's ever been in no matter how sucky it promises to be.

it all started with empire of the sun.

that bratty little boy who, by the end of the movie, is transformed into a wisened young man has pervaded my taste in leading men for years.

needless to say, b has been subject to my bale obsession and has accumulated a vast supply of knowledge about the actor and his many roles.

this trivia was put to good use this morning when b announced that his new year's resolution was to go on 'the machinist' diet.

for those of you who might not have seen this movie, bale actually transformed his body to about one third of his natural weight by eating nothing more than a plain can of tuna fish and an apple a day for nearly a year.

now, i'm all about supporting b in whatever it is that he should choose to pursue, but come the fuck on.


i don't think so.

after maybe a week, the smell of tuna is going to be vomit inducing. and what the fuck am i supposed to do? eat in a cave so as not to tempt him with my normal fare of big salads loaded with cheese and eggs?

as i'm getting ready to go to the grocery store for the weekly shopping, i'm looking at this sparse list of foodstuffs:

apples (green)
tuna (lots)
shit for fuss (not literally, you know what i mean)

i think this time i have to back up his machinist diet and buy some of his favorite snacktime snacks to hide and pull out and be the hero when he decides that he's actually hungry.

how long would you last?

i give myself three days, max, if anyone were ever able to drug me and convince me that it was a good idea to begin with.


Lora said...

I'm thinking about fasting this year.

Not to lose weight, but to cleanse my body and my mind and to figure out a few things that need to be figured out on an empty stomach.

The problem with eating tuna during a fast is that you will smell like tuna.
Really really badly.

Mr. Condescending said...

I think robert deniro had to lose a ton of weight in a movie when he was young, and he ate nothing but jello for 30 days, that sounds a zillion times better than tuna!

*uncorked said...

Eating anything that exclusively and for that long would be disgusting. A friend told me about the pineapple diet and her bonus was that it makes your lips plump up - well I already rival Angelina Jolie so I'm afraid of what it would do to me. The one time I accidentally bought lip plumper I looked like I got punched in the mouth. Anyway, I saw the Machinist and love CB too. I'd gobble him up for a year.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You know, Christian Bale's voice is in How's Moving Castle. *dreamy sigh*

The Machinist was one freaky movie. I loved it, but it was still freaky.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I can't believe I am actually thinking about this. What about like every second day? Would that produce results or would I grow gills.

Carol said...

I can't stand the smell of tuna and could never live on this type of diet.

Dieting sucks and I am no good at it!

Lana said...

lora- are you going to try that one with the lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup?? i've heard that's a popular one...

mr. c- hell yeah it does, and i hate jello!

v- i could never eat such a restictive diet either, even if it was bale. i'd hate to turn against him. bale + pineapple sounds pretty good though...

mjenks- i didn't know that actually, but the machinist was sick!!

cal- i'm no expert, but i think you might find the admiral one happy kitty if you turned into a tuna :)

carol- word!! i can't do diets. i just try my hardest not to bring b down when he gets on a kick.

Miss Yvonne said...

I've never heard of that movie, but that picture alone scared the crap out of me.

And I love me some canned tuna, but no way could I eat it for that long. My cats would be in heaven, however.

miss. chief said...

there is no way I could do it. the moment i tell myself not to eat something I want 12 of it.

Vic said...

Was the tuna packed in oil?

PorkStar said...

I'm already skinny as it is, I can't afford losing any more weight and anything below 6 portions of food a day for me is just compulsive starvation. I don't think i'd last a week without first starting to get all bitchy and then start hurting people and probably cannibalizing them.