Thursday, September 24, 2009

the c is not the same as the one in pc

today i am so pleased to present you with mr. c's first ever guest post. he usually reserves his great point and laugh stories for his blog, advice and humor from mr. condescending. i once promised him i'd never let the truth slip out about his being such a nice guy. but then again, maybe i just want to believe that there's a little kitten underneath the scales and forked tongue. who knows. maybe you should just go to his blog and see for yourself.

oh, and mr. c, you have to ask a girl out before you can claim she stood you up! but we new yorkers have to stick together, so anytime you want to go for a hike and take more amazing foliage pics let me know.

Hello everyone my name is Mr C. It's short for "Condescending."

Lana asked me to do a guest post for her, but she shouldn't need to hire me because she's the condescending one. Her and Kristine from Wait in the Van refused to meet me at the Dutchess County Fair for prime loser spotting :(

Anyway, Lana was my 3rd follower so I forgave her and decided to do my first ever guest post here.

I just want to tell you some reasons I can sometimes live up to the name of Mr C, and at the end I'll tell you a terrible thing I said last week to someone, but it was funny too!

Recently I found myself in Target with my business partner looking for memory cards. Somehow I ended up tossing the most expensive one in the department's garbage can. It wasn't an open faced one, but he was upset I didn't say anything. Oh well.

I always come up with instantly mean things to say or do to someone, then my reasoning kicks in and I usually refrain from it. Similar to when you get cut off driving, and you instantly may wish they get in an accident, but then realize it was silly to think that. I recently thought of sneaking a photo of the nice girl that cashes my morning papers out and plopping it on my blog with connect the dots drawn all over her pimples, just because she has so many pimples.

She's always nice though, so I think I made the right decision not to. Now on the other hand, this slightly cocky guy sometimes is in the store to cash me out. He really doesn't seem like too bad a guy but he's about 4 feet tall or something and has a big head. I always referred to them as "midgets". I only learned recently on otin's blog that midget was actually a racist kind of word.

Last week I didn't see him working and I asked miss pimple face if "that guy" still worked there or did he get fired. The manager is right next to her and they both look confused and ask "what guy?" Now instantly I have to refer to his height in order to clarify who he was, but I didn't want to say midget so I'm thinking quickly of what the right word would be...dwarf? Nah that sounds bad, maybe elf? No! Crap, then I ran out of awkward time and blurted out "The Gnome?"

A lot of uncontrollable chuckles start coming from them, and me too, relieved.

And then I see the little guy in the back room on the computer, probably within earshot. Oh well!

Thanks for visiting Lana's blog!


The Vegetable Assassin said...

Oh eff ME dude. I just laughed out loud.

otherworldlyone said...

You are such a tool.

I love it.

The Peach Tart said...

Well you never claimed to be politically correct.

erin said...

Aren't they called Little People? Well...
my rule is that you can call anyone anything you want, as long as they're a dickhead.

Kristine said...

Ha! Gnome? Classy.
As for the fair, dude. You are "awesome" at inviting. And by "awesome," I mean "terrible." Because I was never invited.

Mr. Condescending said...

Sorry for the delayed response, I thought I was guesting tomorrow! And my friggin blackberry broke so I can't do much blogging/commenting right now.

@Lana: pretty soon it will be winter time pictures! Hey there is some underground tunnel shit in beacon I want to see, I heard it's ultra scary and they have sacrifices or something in there, know anything about it?

@Veg: Good, I hope your post gives me the same treatment.

@OWO: did you say that in a southern accent?

@Peach Tart: Incredible point!

@Erin: hey that's not a bad idea at all, I should have used that term. Little people haha!

@Kristine: Blame Lana, she told me she'd ask you and set a day!

j-face said...

nice job...

p-huong said...

I should get you a pocket thesaurus for Christmas.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Uh? Mr. C? I think it's okay to use the term 'midget' when the only other word you can think of is 'gnome'. ; ) Loved it though!

Sally-Sal said...

Well, if he ever decided to change careers, there's always those travelocity commercials...

Valerie said...

@ sally-sal- hilarious

Mr.C- I think you should stick to making fun of fat people eating deep-fried food on a stick in electric wheel chairs (but can still actually walk)

Pimple girl sounds sympathetic and gnome dude sounds like law-suit

*uncorked said...

Well Mr. C, you know I'd follow you anywhere. Of course your guest post did not disappoint. And I'm a new follower of Lana now, so thanks to you both for feeding my blog addiction. Cheers!

Soda and Candy said...

Foot-in-Mouth disease, the silent killer.

I used to get caught saying shit about people all the time back in high school, then I realized if I just kept my mouth shut I wouldn't get sprung.

; )

Mr. Condescending said...

@J-face: thanks bud

@P.huong: preferably with safe words!

@JJ: hah, you probably are right, as usual! Thanks :)

@Sal: haven't seen them! :(

@Valerie: hah, one day i'll regret not taking your advice!

@Awesome, I'd follow you anywhere too, 'cept to the potty or to your crazy job! Thanks for following lana, she's super funny and fun to read. Plus she has the cool bananaman award that I've had my eye on.

@S&C: hah, but it was fun I bet!

Judearoo said...

You big doofus! Love it!

otherworldlyone said...

Of course I did, dawlin.

Lola Lakely said...

I'm always a little bit behind the curve but eventually I make it around to following you wherever you are. The gnome thing was pure awesome.

But I'm sticking around for Lana partly because her about me is I'm funnier than you think i am, or so i think.

Amandasaurus said...

Thanks for hosting Mr. C! My roomies and I had a good laugh at the gnome remark. As Mr. C racked his brain for an appropriate word, all I could picture was Gimle behind a cash register. XD

Mr. Condescending said...

@Judearoo: as much as I love your name, Judearoo?

@OWO: woo hoo!

@Lola: hah, yes that makes me laugh every time I see it, Lana has an awesome blog, and it's easy to read.

@Amandasaurus: no problem mandemonium, hah you have some pretty funny comments lately :P

ladytruth said...

So many offensive terms these days, right? Racist, sexist, sizist. You probably feel in the heightist category with this one, if there is even a bloody politically correct word like that.