Monday, April 13, 2009

deep thoughts, way too deep

i love to try new things, and generally, the more spontaneous the notion, the better. i find the excitement and anticipation of experiencing something for the first time is addicting. this however, will usually dissipate entirely after i try whatever it is that i have lined up for myself.

i was probably about ten years old when i was really into horseback riding. and by 'really into' i mean that i begged my mom to take me because it looked like a lot of fun. so we went, once. not only did the mean old nag refuse to walk faster than the rate of the grass growing, but it bit me on my little pencil-sized arm after the ride. i had horse tooth imprints for two weeks. i quickly realized that the horse smell and perpetual fog of flies was not something i'd be willing to put up with if i pursued horseback riding.

next was water skiing. i guess my first mistake here was that it was in the hudson river. big foul. not only have mutant three-eyed fish been caught here, but it has long been used as a through-way to haul excess new york city garbage upstate for dumping. regardless of starting out with such a handicap, i gave it my all, for about an hour. after managing to get vertical maybe twice, and swallowing way more of the hudson than i was comfortable with, i gave up. only i chose the worst place in america to give up, the swampy side of the river with algae so thick that i was instantly enveloped in slime. as i sat there in the menacing goo, waiting for the boat to bring the rope around, my mind filled with images of all the little bugs and critters that called the algae home swarming all over my body. i was near hysterics by the time i was pulled from the water.

move along to sky diving. now this was one that i was really super excited about. it just sounded so brazen and yet whimsical at the same time. i was maybe 25 and for a very dear friend's birthday, myself and our third dear friend decided to jump out of a plane together. oh yeah, and we actually paid an additional $85 to have an extra person jump with each of us to record us on dvd. i don't even need to talk about what it felt like watching my friend disappear into the clouds, becoming infinitely smaller. but i will say that those instructors need to tell beginners that if you open your mouth really wide going 120 miles per hour, it makes it really hard to breath. so hard, in fact, that you can feel as if you're suffocating and convince yourself that you will arrive on the ground in a tragic heap of dead flesh and bones. that information would have been much more helpful than the jokes about my straps being loose. having made it to the ground safely, i vowed to never watch the dvd of my horrifying experience, although i can't bring myself to throw it away.

now i'm at a crossroads.

i am thoroughly intrigued by my cousin's practice of fire walking. it seems to be a challenge to purify your thoughts in such a focused way as to be able to walk across fire and emerge stronger rather than weakened by the flames.

as much as i want to conquer the fire, i don't want it to conquer me.

am i better off leaving this one alone, to let the idea live on only as a fantasy in my head? my track record speaks for itself, but have i come far enough in my life that i can overcome my own self?

this is the point at which my head explodes and i become the universe, as theodor learns in 'the mysterious stranger,' "nothing exists save empty space--and you."

9 comments:

The Preacherman said...

skydiving???? fire walking????

ok you're nuts.

I like nuts.

Long as I'm watching not doing ;-)

I fell off my bike again today. Another bush bites the dust....

Lana said...

preacherman, i have to throw in a touch of crazy now and then to keep things fresh, otherwise i'd be way too boring and hate myself for being so lame.

ps. do you need a trike kit? :)

Miss Yvonne said...

The one and only time I went horseback riding, my horse had asthma and it spent the whole trail ride either sneezing or peeing. Good times.

I would think after skydiving, fire walking would be easy. Maybe not...how would I know, I'll never do either. I'm a big weenie.

tina said...

The thing about firewalk is this, after you have gained the power from the fire, you will never doubt you can do anything again!

Kristine said...

I'm not sure which is leaving me in a greater state of disbelief: the fact that you actually talked about the we-don't-talk-about-skydiving or that you want to, um, fucking firewalk?!

How 'bout we stick to the sale racks at Target and call it a day.

Lana said...

i can't help it, i'm in a very transcendental state of mind lately, hence the mark twain quote. but really though, can you even imagine what a fucking rush it would be to separate your conscious mind from you physical being long enough to walk on fire!?!?! i'm so into it.

Brian said...

The 'algae' part reminded me of 'Creepshow,' the movie Stephen King made, and the part with 'The Raft,' when those teenage punks swim out to the middle of a lake and they get followed by this oil-slick looking gooey monster blob that floats on the water, remember that part? Ugh, it was nasty, it like pulled them into the water one by one by ripping their skin off and what not. Anyway, that's what it reminded me of, yay!

Skitch said...

Hey...as Seal once sang, "In a world full of people, only some want to fly...isn't that crazy?"

I think the people that don't pursue their passions are the crazy ones!

Kudos

(Let us know how the fire walking went...hopefully not from the burn unit! ;) )

Lana said...

miss yvonne--hi! thanks for stopping by, and yes, someone needs to tell horses to stop being so gross

tina--i totally need to learn more about it if my lazy ass ever makes it up to visit you :)

b--i never saw that movie, but it pretty much sounds exactly like what i pictured going on in my head at the time.

skitch--hi! and yes, even if i just try something once and hate it, i feel better knowing i just tried. i'll keep you posted if i actually make it happen.