Tuesday, March 24, 2009

i can't swim very well

since my return to work is now rapidly approaching, i have to brace myself for the simultaneous return of the treacherous commute.

i normally love having that time to myself in the car to ease into my work day, but when i have to cross the death-trap that is otherwise known as the tappan zee bridge, that meditation time morphs into a bullet-sweating, mad dash to the other side, hoping that this is not the day that the over-used, poorly maintained mammoth of steel and concrete collapses into the hudson.

cue scenes from that movie 'the mothman prophecies' where the bridge mysteriously collapses during rush hour, cars filled with people plummeting into cold waters waiting below.

on the very best of days, i can make it across in about 5 minutes, speeding and with no traffic. i'm even happy to pay the toll just to know i've made it. although, i did once receive weird money when i had to pay cash while waiting for my new ez-pass tag to come in the mail, but that's a whole separate issue.

suffice it to say that each time i get into my car and head towards that bridge, i need a serious distraction to keep myself from mentally listing what articles of clothing i'd have to remove to help my awkward and desperate attempts at swimming to save my life.

i've thought about driving with a life vest in my car, but the chances that i'd actually be coherent enough to get at where ever i have it stashed in such an emergency are slim to none.

so if that fateful day ever comes, and i happen to not answer my cell phone when you call to check up on me, send as many boats out to the area as you can muster and i promise i'll never forget you when i make it big from my google adsense revenues.

1 comment:

Brian said...

...wait, you don't think it's normal to have 4 inch thick metal plates with 2 inch bolts sticking out of them, holding massive blocks of roadway concrete together, the seams of which leave enough room to see the river 300 feet below, on a bridge that handles 500,000 cars and trucks daily?