hey guess what!? uh, nevermind...

this past weekend at work was kind of a blur, all the days seemed to blend into one another.  i remember at one point there were bag pipes in a cafe (which sounded amazing), ancient books in the new york historical society, and lots and lots and lots and lots of onions.

i almost cried tears of pain for the blister developing on my right hand, but then i didn't want the onions to think they were getting the better of me so i stifled my tears out of sheer stubbornness.

by saturday afternoon i had experienced such a range of randomness that i got the brilliant idea to start another blog dedicated solely to my stories of working in a kitchen, or 'cooking room' as i was once dumb enough to say when i couldn't think of the word kitchen fast enough.

but by sunday evening i had already talked myself out of that idea for several reasons, not the least of which being that it would be harder to keep up the veil of annonymity regarding my place of employment when all i did was talk about my job.     

then i realized that i tend to do things like that a lot.  i come up with ideas or plans for things and then give myself time to rationalize my way out of following through.  i don't know if i think this is a good thing or a bad thing, but i can say that it's definitely a pattern.

yet sometimes the opposite type of characteristic can also be true.  if i find myself in a particularly spontaneous situation, i have a hard time saying no to pretty much anything.  lucky for me b is slightly more grounded or else we could have been married by a dancing elvis in vegas.

what that all amounts to is basically i give myself liscense to bullshit about anything at any time and just blame it on being wishy washy.

maybe i'll start a cooking room blog someday, or maybe i'll just talk about the time that i thought about doing it.  either way, i still have a full-time schedule ahead of me loaded with the promise of interestingness to come. 

i'd say call me the white rabbit, but i think rabbits smell bad, so don't

i am somewhat obsessed with promptness.  being made to wait for someone or making someone wait for me i consider to be a serious insult. 

it's not that hard, just get your shit together and get there on time.  which, by the way, is a trick because if you're on time you're already late.

right.

and then i had a baby.

and then i turned thirty and got even slower.

the discomfort i feel with being late unfortunately doesn't lessen even as i know rationally that there's not much i can do about it sometimes.  in one way or another i am aware that my tardiness will affect someone else in an unexpected way, which i always feel guilty about.

this morning, for example, i experienced the perfect storm of incidents that led to my being about a half an hour late for my target date with kristine. 

the landscapers with their multitude of leaf blowers and lawn mowers made such a frightening racket that my silly monster was literally scared shitless.  it took an extra long time and a lot of coaxing to get him to proceed with his morning poop. 

which in turn delayed my shower, and made my coffee cold.

which made me forget that i was carrying coffee (as i tend to be much more careful with it when i know it's scalding hot).

which led to the sublime moment of spilling said coffee on my daughter's head.

which led me to grabbing the first travel mug i saw (after cleaning my poor kid's coffee hair) forgetting that the only clean one was the leaky one.

which led me to proceed to spill the freshly poured coffee down the front of my white shirt. 

but then i remembered that i was going to target where there's a starbuck's.  i knew i could save a few precious minutes by just wearing the coffee shirt and then getting a venti drip at target to walk around with.  anyone who noticed the stain would be sure to see the big ass cup in my hand and think that it must have just happened. 

and because i needed more coffee.

pretty clever, i thought.

and just like that, i have become the ragamuffin mom that i never thought i'd be. 

not about sailboats, although now that you mention it i'd love to have one

hi blogland, it's me, lana.  i've had a lot on my plate lately, literally.

yesterday i ate poison at work. 

it wasn't as bad as i would have expected it to be, although the taste took a few hours to fade away.  but at least i saved some people from potential death and their relatives from the hassle of a lawsuit, not to mention my boss's job.

i was just commenting to a friend recently about how much i enjoy having a career that always offers something new and different with each day, as opposed to sitting in the same desk in the same office.  i would have never experienced how easy it is to confuse a chemical de-greaser with cooking oil had i chosen a different path.

additionally, i am now realizing that my miniskirts from six years ago might still fit, but that doesn't mean that i should be wearing them.  this does not upset me, however the fact that i kind of want to keep a few of the nicer ones for my daughter should she ever want to wear them some sixteen years from now is quite bothersome.  am i a hoarder in the making? 

it's almost too disturbing to think about.  instead i think i'll go marvel at my amazing natural wonder, a siamese strawberry i found like a treasure hidden amongst all the regular berries.  behold:

you know you want one too.






ps.  where did my spell check go? 

pps.  and what is with all the spam?  have i really been gone that long?