hi blogland, happy new year and all that. i kind of miss you, but then i get busy again and forget about you for a while. but then i find myself thinking about bloggy folk in my real life and it makes me want to pop in and say hi again. it's a vicious cycle.
i have a few gems that i've been saving up in case i ever wanted to write a cohesive post any time soon, but i don't think that's going to happen. well, at least not this week anyway. so instead maybe i'll share them in list form, because let's be real, who doesn't love a good list?
ok, so here it goes:
things related to my recent move back to my hometown-
1. if you live in a really scary part of town, it's ok to walk your big ass rottweiler on an orange extension cord and pretend it's a leash.
2. if you have a motorized wheelchair/rascal or equivalent type of ride, and you obey the same traffic rules as a motor vehicle, it's ok to drive in the road as opposed to the sidewalk like the rest of the wheelchair-bound citizens of this town.
3. a trip to home depot with your spouse does not count as a date when you bring a wiggly toddler, but if you bring snacks and drinks in your bag like you're going to the movies it comes really, really close.
4. the days of running errands in pajamas are long gone. you will inevitably run into no less than three people from your past every time you set foot outside your house, requiring real grown-up clothes at all times lest you become the loser who just moved back into town and can't get her shit together.
things related to work-
1. getting bullied by a kosher caterer who talks to you like you're not even good enough to be the shit on his shoe is a valid reason for waving a knife around in a kitchen full of people.
2. please, please take my word for it, don't EVER eat or drink anything at the roseland ballroom in nyc unless it comes in a sealed bottle or package that you open yourself. that means no ice in your drink either. semi-related, robert de niro must have a stomach of steel.
3. can there be a season of project runway where all the designers make fashionable chefwear and then they give it all to me? i'm all set with the pants that come all the way up to the bottom of my bra and the polyester jackets that stay square no matter how long i wear them.
and that's all the original thoughts i have at this time. stayed tuned for some more of the same at some point this year.
spanks!! (yes, i am single-handedly trying to bring back spanks to replace thanks)